“There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.” (John 13:23 NAS95)
I think John the apostle understood Jesus perfectly — well as perfectly as anyone could. I love that he refers to himself as the disciple, “whom Jesus loved.” Mind you, I think John thought the same about every other disciple too. He seemed to grasp Jesus’ heart toward all. Jesus just loved. He received. He embraced.
In my own personal journey, I remember that I knew with my head that Jesus loved me from the very beginning. Time has shifted many things, and that knowing of Jesus has entered my experience so that I carry an internal assurance of His love. That may sound weird, but many interactions with Jesus have created memories that inform my experience and expectation of friendship. A number of those memories occurred on retreats, and I can recall them specifically, even the place.
Sometimes the environment shapes the memory. I facilitated a retreat in Austria, and there, on a walk, during a snowy, winter day, Jesus addressed my fear based in scarcity by showing me how He provides abundance through nature. I didn’t even plan on that conversation. He just initiated it. Five years have passed, and abundance remains a mark. God creates abundance, and that abundance considers my needs — He cares for me.
I have another memory where I simply asked a question based on a verse in Matthew 7. I remember the answer, and it remains a poignant: “I desire to be perceived as love.” Jesus wanted me to know that no matter the circumstance (good or bad), I’m loved! He wanted me to understand Him as love. That shifted other aspects of my conversation with Him too. I wish I could relate all the implications that flowed from it. I’m restraining my pen.
I’ve mentioned in the past, “and lo, I am with you always” and how those words echoed in the background of my life for an extended period. I find the phrase rings true. Jesus journeys with me, more obviously, more real than when our relationship first started, and that is because of the many memories from our friendship together. Oh, I know Jesus is God, but I also know from experience, like John, I’m a disciple whom Jesus loves.
For Reflection:
“You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.” (Psalm 139:3 NAS95)
- How does Jesus make Himself known to you each day?
- What memories can you recall from the way Jesus as interacted with you in the past?
